Home

Advertisement

Current Month
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
2930
Links:
myspace my photos Delete Yourself nytejade GTFO
Jun. 25th, 2008 @ 09:23 pm gym progress
2sexy
3 comments
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
April, 2006 July, 2007 June, 2008
Feb. 8th, 2007 @ 07:39 pm nothing new
2sexy
4 comments
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Current Mood: contemplative
I wont try to be clever about this as i don't have the time or probably even the ability. I'll just tell you about the night I played poker with a real asshole.

I spent a good five hours at a Foxwoods table. Three of those hours were a huge struggle and not just because I was getting dealt shit. A real prick sat down next to me. Everything that came out of this girl's mouth was rude, obnoxious, bossy--feel free to insert your own list of ugly adjectives here. Eventually I needed a break from the losing and listening so I went upstairs for a smoke.

I sat back down and gave the bitch my best don't-talk-to-me vibe (believe me it's a good one) which just makes it harder to remember how the conversation started, though I'll never forget how it ended. Only whatever god you believe in must know why she thought it appropriate, but she told me everyone at the table was saying "thank god that guy left. He's a real asshole."



Tell me the truth, you bastards. I can handle it.
Jan. 27th, 2007 @ 12:38 pm heheheh
2sexy
2 comments
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
If you don't know who Troy Hurtubise is I suggest you look him up. The guy has spent his entire life inventing ridiculous things. Watch the video below to see what I mean by ridiculous.

Jan. 24th, 2007 @ 03:34 pm long-awaited update
2sexy
8 comments
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
I know you've all been dying to find out what the hell I've been up to. I assure you the answer is nothing of consequence. Here are the latest updates.

I just picked up some serious headphones.

Why, you ask? Obviously so my new Nano can reproduce The Immaculate Collection with orgasmic clarity.
iPod Nano
I bought this thing a few weeks after resigning with Verizon for two more years and literally days before the release of the iPhone. Apparently champions don't necessarily have good timing. That's right, b0x. I've officially stolen that title from you.

After buying just about every single godamned case the Apple Store sells, hating it, and returning it, nytejade recommended an Invisible Shield: what I didn't know I was looking for in the first place. Why spend tons of money on tiny, efficient electronics just to bulk them up? Some of the cases out there could wrestle luggage for Christ's sake...

... which conveniently brings me to my next point.

It's about time I was discovered, so I'm gonna fly out for the weekend and make my presence known. Plus there is a girl in California I'm pretty fond of. If you're reading this, Jessica, I <3 you.

I conquered my aviophobia this past summer, so my only remaining concerns surrounding airports are delayed flights and cavity searches from overzealous security guards. I decided to get proactive about the latter and checked TSA's guidelines for items permitted on flights. This is from the first page of their list of prohibited items.

Hand Grenades... I wasn't sure if I should r0tfl or just pee my pants. I went with both.

Give me a break. This sort of thing is a lot funnier when you read it in a quiet work environment. Or maybe you don't find it funny at all which means your life really sucks.

On a serious note, I quit smoking. This time might actually be for real. I've been smoke-free for 22+ days. It wasn't a New Year's Resolution. The timing was just coincidence, so all you "New Year's Resolutions are so gay</voice of Mike Bodge making fun of me>"people can just stfu right now.

I think that does it. The moral of this story should be clear to you as it just became clear to me after writing this. I have given up any search for substance or meaning in this existance and have settled for becoming a consumer. I'm probably just being dramatic again.
Oct. 2nd, 2006 @ 09:35 pm look inside
2sexy
6 comments
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Current Mood: amused
I once knew someone--we'll call her SHE--who said she never really watched TV because she preferred to be living her life over watching other people live theirs. "When you watch people on TV, are they ever watching TV?" As obvious as this is, I found it very thought-provoking.

I was excited; getting ready to watch last week's episode of Nip/Tuck--thank the maker for DVR--when the thought above jumped into my head and sank my mood like it was your battleship. That could easily be the dumbest thing I've ever said. When I thought about it from SHE's perspective, it seemed really silly. I felt for just a moment like I should forget the show; leave my house; and do something with myself. Then I pictured an entire nation of people held captive in front of their Monday night programming, one of the few enjoyable activities permitted by the almighty nine to five on the first and worst day of the work week. At that point, I was glad it was a pack of Marlboros and not a noose within reaching distance. Well... sort of glad.

Then I said to myself HEY, DRAMA QUEEN. It's a fucking TV show.
Sep. 17th, 2006 @ 02:04 am no subject or parentheses
2sexy
1 comment
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Current Mood: groggy
External criticism? *check* He is wrong. She is a hypocrite. They are stupid. This is as easy as checking the weather. Internal (and you knew this question was coming) criticism; not so easy. And its necessity is the only thing great enough to eclipse its difficulty.

I'm very critical. I'm too critical. I'm way too fucking critical. I like groups of three. I'm losing interest in writing this post, the point of which has eluded me since I began. I love to procrastine going to bed, and that could be the only reason. Of course I'll regret this on the first tee tomorrow morning. That is unless I get a hole in one.

I'd love a cigarette right now, but that would require getting up, and I'm tired slash lazy. You really only have two choices: change or ignore. The problem with change is that it requires effort. Retrace your steps a few complete thoughts to find out why effort is a problem. The problem with ignore, even though it's easy, is that it makes you a little bit weaker every single time. And the weaker you get the more your options limit themselves to a vicious-cycle-breeding mechanism.

I fear this is becoming coherent. Let me remedy. This is a confession first attempt. It's a request. I'm in the (there isn't a single, decent antonym for lucrative, and believe me because I looked) business of telling people what they should think. Short attention span? *check* I'm all sorts of bored with that. I'm probably wrong, and no one listens anyways. Tell me what you think. I want I need I will option one.

I've mustered the will to have that cigarette.
Sep. 8th, 2006 @ 12:35 pm gear lust
2sexy
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Current Mood: hopeful
I've been playing a lot of guitar lately which inevitably means obsession; obsession over how to make my sound just right; obsession over which equipment I need to produce that sound. My obsession has focused on these two items.

A power attenuator so I can turn my amp up to "eleven" and not go deaf by next week.


Do I really need this cab? Answer: probably not, but love is blind.



Maybe if I believe in Santa Claus this year he will bring me these toys.
Aug. 18th, 2006 @ 10:18 am depressing journal entry alert
2sexy
4 comments
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
As you may have read, I ventured into South Boston last night which turned out to be quite the damn venture. You might even use the word ADventure. What should have been a 15 minute ride took me about 45 because guess what? Every other highway exit in downtown Boston is closed on any given night for seemingly no reason. Knowing how this fine city operates, I was patting myself on the back for planning two separate routes on http://maps.google.com as I left the house. That must have been the exact point when Murphy let out a good belly laugh and turned on every one of his laws because, instead of every other, every single exit was closed and I practically had to take a flight from Logan to get to South Boston.

Fast-forward to the end of the night. I hopped on 93 just in time to get behind a fire truck that is naturally taking the same Storrow Drive exit that I am. Normally these things pass you at mach 2, but this beast would have been lapped by a duck tour. What kind of emergency vehicle isn't in a hurry? I was blinded by flashing blue and red lights immediately after the first bend in the exit ramp. The fire truck was joining a platoon of police cruisers and ambulances. After five or ten minutes of waiting, the officers let me pass slowly through where I saw a bright yellow tarp covering the source of an adjacent pool of blood. Apparently an Acura TL lost control and a woman was ejected from the car and killed when it struck the wall. Shitty.
Aug. 18th, 2006 @ 09:59 am yo ramooos
2sexy
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Current Mood: excited
"I'm not going out this weekend." That's what I told myself after roughly 2 weeks straight of partying in Boston then Greece then Boston again. I'm no spring chicken. My body needs time to recuperate not to mention my wallet. But when I got home last night I was reminded why I rarely make plans (even to do nothing) more than a day or two in advance: 3 missed calls from Ves and a text message that read "Yo I'm in southie."

What the fuck?! Thanks for telling me you're coming to Boston, Ves! Needless to say I did anything but stay in last night and my "plans" for the weekend have been shattered. But it's good to see that dirty Bulgarian. Think I'll survive another lolz weekend? Stay tuned to find out.

And I do have some new pictures from Greece. There are probably 150 more on their way so stay tuned there as well if you're interested which you obviously are or you wouldn't even be reading this.
Jun. 21st, 2006 @ 10:07 pm star struck
2sexy
4 comments
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Current Mood: amused
I recently had a conversation with a bunch of people that went like this:
"What celebrities have you all met?"
"I met W!"
"Ooh I met X!"
"Hah I met Y & Z!!"
Me: "... I've never met a celebrity."

I felt pretty left out as it seems basically everyone has met some type of celebrity in his life except me. Well destiny took pity on me and corrected the situation... sort of.

My father invited me to the Portugal Day Feast in New Bedford to watch Portugal's opening World Cup match against Angola. History tid-bit: Angola was a colony of Portugal until 1975 and this was their first World Cup appearance so it is interesting, let's call it, that they played Portugal.

Anyways... let me go back farther so you understand this. Benfica is a professional soccer team in Portugal. Scratch that. They are the professional soccer team; something of a Red Sox. My father's friend is president of the Fall River chapter of the world-wide Benfica fan club. That right there gives me a case of the lolz and you either get it too or you don't. So Benfica sent one of their players over here to sign autographs and what not for the fans and my father's aforementioned friend is in charge of this dude which means we got the cool perk of hanging out with him.

I really thought nothing of this until I got to New Bedford. People are lining up to take pictures with this guy! Granted it was New Bedford, one of the maybe three places in the United States that would recognize him, but it was still pretty nuts. He has played on the Portuguese National Team and he says that when he arrives at the airport in Lisbon he'll be mobbed by the media. And the guy was hilarious. I mean he could seriously make a living as a comedian if he ever lost his legs or something.

So the good news is I've finally met a celebrity. The bad news is nobody I'll ever talk to has any fucking idea who Marco Ferreira is.
Jun. 2nd, 2006 @ 02:04 pm company outing
2sexy
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
F1 was kind of a bust. They didn't give us a warmup run and my kart was fucked up for the first two laps which is the only reason I didn't win. I did make the fastest lap though. I was pissed (mainly because I didn't win) so I decided to complain about our sub-par experience. Not only did they refund our money for the day, but they gave us all free passes to come back. Basically it cost F1 $900 to put up with us for an hour. Pays to bitch.

PS -- I was searching for something on Google and I found this. This guy's headline and About Me make me go lol.
May. 22nd, 2006 @ 09:56 am BARBARO
2sexy
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Current Mood: bitchy
I don't know why I was listening to Paul & Al on HJY this morning. They haven't done anything funny in at least ten years. True to form, they were doing some stupid skit full of "Barbaro" and horse noises. I had no idea what was going on. And, looking back, now that I know what it meant, it still wasn't funny.

So I loaded up CNN when I got to work as per my usual and the main story was "Barbaro's fate a coin toss." I was instantly pissed. Now I wouldn't call myself an animal lover, but only because I think that's gay as hell. No I don't hate gays. Yes I use the word gay to insult things. If you don't like it you can bleed on me. Anyways "animal lover..." STFU. Of course I like animals. Who doesn't? But the biggest story on CNN was a horse? When I read the news I expect to learn about interesting things happening around the globe not horses with broken legs. At least I got a good laugh when I read the article and saw this:



hahaha 'THANK YOU BARBARO.' Yah thanks for making me a bunch of money in the Kentucky Derby. Oh and good luck with the life-threatening injury.

'Believe in Barbaro.' What the hell does that even mean? Seriously.

The last one looks like 'We love you Barbaro.' Damned ALs (that's short for animal lovers) were obviously responsible for that one. The photographer must hate ALs too because he clearly tried to leave their gay sign out of the picture.

Alright I'm done for now.
May. 18th, 2006 @ 10:55 am I'm still alive
2sexy
2 comments
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Current Mood: cranky
I got a call last night saying I needed to come in early today and fix some broken software. I parked next to the only other employee here at 8:15am: the secretary. You're damn right 8:15am is early. I am not a morning person ok. DEMONS are scared of me in the morning. Then I sat here and boiled for an hour and a half until everyone else came in. Why the hell did I come in early?! I'm done venting. The real point of this story is I walked into someone's office to ask a couple of people a question. I thought I'd open with a friendly "how's everybody doin today?" The response? "I'm guessing you didn't come in here to ask how we're doing." I must be such an asshole.

My friends all know that I moved to Brighton</official_announcement>, but I don't want to keep my e-stalkers in the dark so I thought I'd announce it officially. It's fun living in the city. I get to ride the T and feel wicked cool plus I can go out without having to drive drunk LOL!</jk> And the cab drivers never disappoint because they're either completely insane or you're relieved that they're not.

Since I'm in Brighton, there is no reason to miss the Cambridge Police Auction. They have about 100 bicycles on the auction list not to mention a 20-pack of Mach3 razors (I predict a fight breaking out over those), some gameboys, and a bunch of digital cameras I don't need. I could really use a bike though. Besides I've always wanted to participate in an auction. I also want to see who picks up these choice items:

Item #52: 4 pair men's socks
Item #60-#61: 3 pairs Hanes boxers

Finally, my company is doing quarterly team building events now which is little more than an excuse to go out and drink. First quarter we went to Carabiners, an indoor climbing facility in New Bedford. It was a lot of fun. I recommend going with a group of people some time. I won the individual competition and cash prize</official_announcement> *fist pump.* In two weeks we're doing our second event at F1 Boston. Winning this thing is basically the reason I was born. You know I'm watching Days of Thunder this week.
Mar. 2nd, 2006 @ 07:56 pm It's gone. What is? The whole thing.
2sexy
3 comments
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
About 15 minutes into the trek up to Maine, following the sound of a thud on the roof, the conversation in the subject line took place in the car carrying the skis and snowboard. I was suffering from some delusion (aka wishful thinking) where I believed my snowboard might be fine so we backtracked a few miles only to find this:


broken_baron


Surprisingly I wasn't very upset. In fact I find the whole thing pretty funny especially the mental image I get of the entire ski rack blowing off the car at 75mph. I wish I could've seen those lolz. Fortunately material things are easily replaced. This bad boy is on a UPS truck headed for my house as we speak.


nemesis


What else happened? I developed a tootache late last week that escalated into a need for a wisdom tooth extraction, one of the most awful experiences of my life from which I am still suffering. Basically they grab your tooth with vice grips and rip it out of your jaw. Breaking my wrist wasn't nearly as painful.

And that brings me to the good news. My cast finally comes off tomorrow morning. I can't effing wait to pick up the guitar again, lift some weights, and then take a shower without strapping a bag over my arm.

Ok my life update is over. You can get back to yours.
Mar. 2nd, 2006 @ 03:02 pm some of you will appreciate this tremendously
2sexy
9 comments
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
VES

AIM UPDATE

playertw0: that one is a classic
playertw0: I'm so glad she found it
VES: me 2 i guess
VES: now you can beat off in peace before bed
Feb. 22nd, 2006 @ 09:17 pm (no subject)
2sexy
1 comment
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Current Mood: accomplished
Obviously my journal has inspired someone out there: a world-class operation. Maybe my fantasy has been realized, and, in some small way, I was part of a heist.
Feb. 21st, 2006 @ 11:10 pm Killington Highlights
2sexy
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Current Music: I'm obviously listening to the Rocky IV soundtrack
Trevor... you had to be there.

Saw a UFO. Not joking. I have witnesses.

I don't know why but I could not stop driving on the left side of the road in Rutland, VT. Probably the weird magnetic fields generated by UFOs were throwing off my internal compass.

Pudgy 13 year old skis into me so hard from behind that one of my boots comes out of its binding and then his family stands around and glares at me like it's my fault.

Plunger... you had to be there (but you're glad you weren't).


This weekend it's off to Rob's sea-side villa in Maine. I hope to catch a Caraboo and if I see any of those crazy old bastards that get together in the dead of Winter just to jump in the ocean I'm totally doing it.

We're also gonna get a day of riding in at Camden Snow Lolz. With only ~1000 feet of elevation, my quest for the perfect carve will probably have to wait. Instead my mission is to land a frontside 360 twice (anybody can get lucky once). I figure I've got a 50/50 shot: 50% chance of landing it and a 50% chance of breaking more bones.
Feb. 14th, 2006 @ 03:46 pm (no subject)
2sexy
9 comments
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
This is horrible, and it's going to get worse before it gets better. I'm going to Killington for the long weekend, and if the place was a shoelace factory it would be the most exciting thing I've done in months so you can imagine my anticipation. It feels like a vacation therefore these last few work days will feel like an eternity in the deepest circles of hell.

I was going to tell you about how my hand is really pissing me off and I had to delay my cast removal by almost a week, but that is some wildly boring shit so I'll spare you.

I heard Dane Cook (I'm linking you to his myspace because www.danecook.com is something from the Hell of Flash Animation) for the first time a few weeks ago. The guy was actually really funny which I did not expect at all considering his Dave Matthews-esque following. I must be fair to my hypercritical taste and admit that I was multiply-intoxicated at the time although, in his defense, no amount of drugs have ever made Rosie ODonnell amusing so there has to be some validity to my experience. Let me paraphrase a joke he was making:

My girl was about to give me a BJ when she stopped, looked up at me, and said "all you guys want is sex." I told her that's not true! There are things that a guy--any guy--would gladly give up guaranteed sex right now to do. For example: every guy wants to be part of a heist...

There was a lot more to this joke so don't judge Dane by my horrid retelling. The point is isn't he absolutely right? Every guy does want to be part of a heist. Think back to when you watched the movies Heat or Ronin. We both know the whole time you were thinking "yaaah I wanna do that!"

So who would you want to be? The driver? The planner? The guy with the suitcase? The possible roles are endless. I've decided I would be the shady guy that no one really trusts or wants involved, but my role (and no one is really sure what that is either) is absolutely vital to the success of the operation.
Jan. 23rd, 2006 @ 09:53 pm million to one shot, doc... million to one!
2sexy
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Current Mood: pissed off
My plan for this weekend was to stay in, rest, and save money. I should have known such a ludicrous idea was doomed to failure from the start. Friday I jammed on the guitar, watched a movie... NO PROBLEM.

Saturday: ~7:15pm. I knew why the phone was ringing, but I was sure I could resist the Siren's Call. "Ramos, let's go to Foxwoods!" Ten minutes later I was steering my ship towards disaster. Fortunately (laff) a storm blew me off course and I ended up home again. 2 for 2... I'm in the clear.

Sunday: ~1:00pm. Now I was prepared for the Foxwoods pitch, and I still couldn't shake it. How the hell was I gonna say no to a surprise "Dude, let's go to Nashoba Valley for some night boarding?" Fifty minutes away? Twenty-five bucks?? My ski pants were on before I was done answering these obviously rhetorical questions.

Nashoba was a joke, but we knew what we were signing up for: some cheap time in a fun little park.


What John didn't expect was the free, after-dark bonus: here's a sheet of ice. BREAK YOUR WRIST!


I was too pumped to leave so I figured I'd hit a few more runs while John went to first aid. First run down: (I guess everyone gets the free bonus) oh look a sheet of ice! CRACK!! "Damn that's gonna hurt tomorrow," I thought. Two runs later: "Damn I can barely move my hand." Five runs later: "John, hahah, I just sprained my wrist pretty bad." Twenty-four hours later: "John, my wrist is BROKEN!" *lolz*

WTF are the odds of this? BOTH of us? I could've won money, but instead I'm spending it treating a broken wrist which will keep me from all the things I love for 2-6 weeks. Job well done, asshole. Oh and my friend (of course) won money at the casino. The bright side? I've got a 4-day supply of Vicodin.

The moral of this story is when someone asks you if you want to go to Foxwoods you say YES! Bonus points if you recognize that allusion.
Jan. 16th, 2006 @ 01:50 pm bizarro monday
2sexy
2 comments
Leave a comment
Permanent Link
Current Mood: confused
First of all, forget the bed. I woke up on the wrong side of the room this morning. I think I said "oh FUCK this" out loud when my alarm went off. And I was in a shitty mood until about an hour ago.

My right index finger keeps falling asleep for no reason. No it's not in a weird position. No I'm not sitting on it. If I don't move my finger it just starts falling asleep. What???

There is an odor not unlike flea powder permeating my cubicle.

Advertisement